The morning after


That’s it, it is all over. What am I left with now that it has finished?

The morning after a big day I can hold within different sensations. A few very straight forward examples about how I can feel:

-    Sad, because that great celebration or event is gone by now, after all the excitement and preparation, after the fun I had and the emotions I went through.

-    Relieved, because my levels of stress were high for quite a while and now I can rest and relax, forgetting about my responsibilities, finally!

   Hopeful, because I might expect many good things to start happening after what I experienced the day before.

-    Empty, because the planning & preparation for the big day took me so long and I dedicated so much energy that now I feel deflated, not knowing what to do.

-    Disappointed, because I thought the results were going to be more satisfactory and that I would feel much better afterwards, which is not the case.

Maybe that big day was the wedding or birthday party of somebody very special to me, maybe my own wedding or my special birthday party; perhaps it was a very important meeting or conference that I organised; or a date that I dreamt about for months in advance; it could be an interview for a very promising job in a very exciting company after being unemployed for a while; or the end of that trip that I planned with care for so long; or even the realization after a very clear and explicit communication that something has come to and end.

There are countless options and the fact is that the morning after and every morning is a new beginning and the start of a brand new life. The attitude I face this new life with will make the difference and it will always be my choice.

I can choose to get hooked or trapped in my gloomy cloud, wrapped by melancholy and never-ending ‘what ifs’.  But I can also decide to accept the outcome, learn about it and keep going.

When writing about this I cannot help but thinking about that quote by Lao Tzu: “If you are depressed, you are living in the past; if you are anxious, you are living in the future; if you have peace of mind, you are living in the present”. That’s something, isn’t it?

There is a practice that I deeply love and I initiated a few years ago thanks to yoga. When starting and finishing the class the teacher would invite us to acknowledge our own body, thanking it for being there and also thanking everything and everyone around us for becoming part of that moment and that experience. It is truly beautiful and especially powerful when practised within a group because the joint energy can be felt and transcends the physical world and the mental explanations. It is definitely something worth living.

So now I transfer that practice to nearly everything in my life:

-    I thank the sun for such a beautiful warm day once again, or the clouds for keeping my plants cool and protected.

-    I thank my plants for giving me that happy green colour and the clean oxygen to keep me alive.

-    I thank the moon for its magical beauty and the sea for its amazing power & for the life that holds within.

-    I thank the gardener for the great job he does every day, all year round, and the cleaner for her dedication and her loving presence always.

-    I thank myself for cooking a nice dish and for setting a lovely table even if I am eating by myself, with my little candle and the music on.

-    I thank the people who are there and tell me that they read me, that they like it; those who send me inspirational message or those who share with me juicy conversations filled with valuable content.

-    I thank my family for their unconditional support, even when sometimes they don’t understand what I do or why I do it. They are always there anyway, thinking of me, wishing me the best.

-    I thank my partner for being courageous enough to be him every day & I thank him for his endless ability to love too.

I could keep going forever here as well but these few examples are enough to prove my point. And the point is that, when I am in this ‘thanking mood’ I feel in peace and I feel good, real good actually! There is no room for anxiety or regret, for disappointment or sadness because I am able to see further. In most of the situations I get to a point where, even when I am entitled or it would be justified for me to feel sad, anxious, angry or worried, I cannot feel that way because I get myself detached for the fact that, in theory, has caused the disturbing feeling, and I look at it with a little bit of distance, thanking the person or the experience for the chance they are giving me, accepting it the way it is and doing my best to get out the bright side of it. Rescuing another great quote by Confucius this time: “There is beauty in everything but not everyone sees it”. I am not able to succeed every single time but hey, I am getting there.

So yes, the morning after a big day is always a brand new start, another chance to understand & accept, to see further, deeper, underneath and behind. If I didn’t do well enough, next time it will be better. If I had a top performance, I give myself a hug and loads of kisses for being so brilliant. It is not about being positive over everything. It is about minimising the pain, the guilt, the emotion that brings me down to substitute it for a more worthwhile view, one that creates wellness in me and helps me growing, bringing up all my potential. Because I am worth it ;-)