(Collage in Japanese paper by Fernando González Viñas).
Sometimes I feel small, useless, willing to give up on everything, thinking that there is no solution, that this world stinks and there is nothing I can do to make it better. Other times I seem to be strong, confident, full of energy & optimistic, but even then I get involved in situations or hooked by people that drive me to feelings of fear, lack of enthusiasm, deep anger, frustration or complaint. Then, my initial willingness transforms into feeling dispirited. I don’t know if this happens due to infection, empathy or lack of affirmation from my side. What I know is that sometimes myself, others or the situation could defeat me and I saw myself dragged into an unease spiral, and I am saying dragged because the mechanism behind is so subtle & subconscious that it acts as an almost imperceptible force, guiding me, leading the way, even when it is me the one deciding to enter.
I’ve heard before the expression ‘toxic people’ to identify those with a strange ability to make us feel bad. But situations can be toxic too and I can also become toxic for myself at some point. This is much more difficult to spot and definitely harder to accept. However, I do believe in individual responsibility and freedom and that leads into believing that the start of everything is within. It is always me who decides to get surrounded by these harmful people or to invite myself into those unpleasant situations, and it is me the one giving them power to access my fortress, bearing always in mind that neither myself or them are generally evil. They are simply malicious to me at the time because they cause me harm and that’s the unerring sign.
This is called in ‘energetic vampirism’ if the result is purely physical, and it is a consequence of an unbalanced energy level. To balance it back we must get the missing energy from the outside so we do start a subconscious process of natural compensation that should lead us to wellbeing again. When the feelings are not only physical but also emotional, this is called ‘tuning fork effect’, as we start vibrating at the same energy frequency than the other person or situation. The emotion that we feel is a reflection of something not solved within, and as such, lays there latent & entrenched (once again, Michael Brown explains it brilliantly: “an unhappy adult is a neglected child.”)
So if something is bothering or annoying me or making me feel bad, I should look at me first, deep inside, without any fear, with no shame, being truthful. I have to breathe deeply and accept that I am a human being going through a learning process. From there, without tormenting me or putting the blame outside, I would be able to reach the key.
Let’s go through this vampire classification, very clear & useful not just because it helps us identifying the harmful behaviour, person o situation but mainly because it provides us with the antidote to fight against it.
1- Firstly, the most common type: the victim. That one that keeps complaining about everything, who feels sorry for himself & wants to promote pity between others, using emotional blackmailing when necessary and diverting responsibility by blaming to others. "Poor me; I am always so unlucky; what have I done to deserve this? Life is so cruel, so tough… It is not fair…!" Does it sound familiar?
The worst thing we can do is to feed that attitude with more complaints, supporting his arguments or comforting the vampire. The solution is to return back his responsibility or to look at it from a humorous perspective. That will disconcert & destroy our vampire’s web.
2- The second type is also very popular at the moment: the critic. Again, he displays his complaining as a throwing weapon not from the victim angle this time but from a combative & very intense protesting attitude. Politicians & business people, society, Germans & Americans, work & unemployment, everything can be criticised because everything is wrong, the system is crap and there is no solution.
The medicine for this kind of people will be again sense of humour and also distraction manoeuvres: divert the attention, turn up side down their argument or simply don’t be part of it.
3- Third place is for the aggressive: speaks loud & shouts, gets mad & annoyed easily and looks for the same reaction in others, nurturing from it and from others’ fear. He is the scourge looking for his victim.
The antidote then would be to establish very clear & strong limits, doing it in a very affirmative manner and always reacting from no violence. If this is difficult to achieve, we can always leave him there shouting on his own, without transforming ourselves into his sustenance.
4- Finally the most difficult one to identify: the spiritual vampire. He is the leader, the charismatic figure, the boss-colleague-teacher-guide-master or powerful personality who triggers admiration between his supporters and who also needs people to follow & praise him.
He feeds from this disparity of positions and the key to fight him is awareness, realising if this type of relationship is causing us harm, giving the right & fair value to everyone without falling into blind admiration.
We all are vampires at some point to ourselves and to others and also all of us could feel ‘vampirised’ by people or situations when vibrating at the same frequency. Our job is to be aware of this when it happens, looking within, identifying the reflection if there is one and putting into action the mechanism that will get us out of the loop so we can end the limiting pattern. Everything lying on me that I don’t like can be changed or even thrown out. I just have to be aware of it, accept it and then turn it around.
So let’s get into it! A brand new anti-vampire army is getting ready right now :)
"I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.
So they show their relations to me and I accept them,
They bring me tokens of myself, they evince them plainly in their
I wonder where they get those tokens,
Did I pass that way huge times ago and negligently drop them?"
(Part 32 from Song of myself, by Walt Whitman).