This is not probably the way my Mum remembers is but it is definitely the memory I have imprinted in my mind. Let’s check it out.
When I was little my Mum would never agree to buy me a pair of roller-skates because she considered them too dangerous. I had several bicycles, I learnt how to swim when very young, I enjoyed loads of toys and had a great time during by childhood years, yes, but I never did any skating at all. However, when growing older that roller-skating business, I don’t know why, was always there ticking away in the back of my mind. I was probably in my very early twenties when my Mum & Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas that year and I simply said: ‘a pair or roller-blades’. My Mum didn’t think I was being serious but Christmas was getting closer and my wish remained the same all the way through. Surprisingly enough, I did get a pair of roller-blades that year for Christmas. I was so excited! However, I probably didn’t realised how difficult it was going to be for me to learn at my age and with all the weight of my fears’. Both my cousins, Carmen & Ana, got their own roller-blades out and taught me some of the basics. I have wonderful memories of all the laughing between us, outside our Grandparents house, practising up & down the street, feeling very silly and really scared, focusing on ‘I don’t want to fall, I don’t want to fall…’.
The truth is that I didn’t invest much time or effort in my practice and those roller-blades started travelling with me wherever I moved over the years, packed in a bag, useless. When coming to live in this area a few years ago I discovered a skating park nearby where dozens of kids, teenagers and some adults too gather to share their passion for wheels: roller-skaters, roller-bladers, skateboarders, cyclists… They go up & down the slides, jumping into the hollows & appearing up and out of them again, challenging the curbs & gravity’s law too. I just love to watch them so much! They are truly amazing and their dedication & commitment to their practice, fearless or not, deserves all my admiration.
So that idea of roller-blading has always been present within, like an unfulfilled dream that remains as such, shining through anything else, fears included. Nick, my partner, used to joke about my old roller-blades when seeing them stuck in that bag: ‘I am going to throw them away as they are doing nothing here but taking space’. And my answer was: ‘Don’t! I will use them! I promise! I am going to start using them again one day!’ And did I? Not really. Not until this year, as one of my resolutions for 2013 was to actually get them on and to practise seriously this time. Even Father Christmas back in England knew about it and he brought me some proper protection to wear. So, in January, I chose a day when Nick was around, to have his support, (physically mainly, as a human braking system) and when putting them on the plastic straps snapped & even worse, as soon as I moved, the wheels started to fall to pieces! How disappointing! Was this a sign? Am I destined to roller-blade or not?
In February my birthday came and Nick took me to a shop to buy me a pair of new roller-blades. My goal now: being able to glide on them before the summer. Would I be able to do it? What do you think? Do you have faith in me, especially after hearing about my history in this matter? Well, let me tell you that so far, so good.
I’ve been practising by myself, wearing them at home, doing things on them (cleaning, cooking, getting the washing out) just moving around to get the hang of it. I listen to The Beach Boys, Bob Marley or The Beatles while I am practising, because that music fills me with joy & positive energy. We’ve been looking for tutorials on the internet and I am following their instructions. I’ve been taking into account Nick’s comments (he is an adventure boy who knows his tips well) and bringing them into action. I told my cousins about my ‘return’ to the field so they are aware and we can plan a ‘girls’ get together on wheels soon. And mainly, I visualise myself having the time of my life while sliding along the promenade, enjoying the sea breeze, the sun, the freedom of gliding away, gracefully, feeling light & unafraid.
And this is actually the main difference between my practice now and my first attempts nearly 20 years ago: I was so scared then, so frightened about looking stupid, about falling and breaking an arm or a leg. Today I am not so scared anymore. I don’t mind if I look ridiculous or cool and I don’t focus on the possibility of falling. I know I want to be able to roller-skate well for my own sake. So far at least I am not interesting in speeding, competing or performing amazing jumps. I just want to glide along and enjoy every minute of it. That’s my clear aim & my only focus and I know I can do it because I have everything I need to achieve it. And if I realise that something is missing, I will find the way to get it. That image of myself under the sun, gliding away by the sea whilst listening to those Californian voices saying to me ‘let’s go surfing now, everybody is learning how come on and safari with me…’ has become a super powerful anchorage and there is no fear able to stop me. Probably some of those old ones were not even mine but my Mother’s. I understand that she wanted to protect me from the danger of being hurt, from physical pain. Or maybe she wanted to protect herself from seeing me suffering. I don’t know. All I know now is that those are not my fears anymore. I am looking ahead, focusing on what I want, finding out the ways to achieve it and that focus has changed everything.
When seeing me practising, Nick told me the other day: ‘you look so genuinely happy!’ and he was having such a great laugh! I am not surprised! I do feel so happy doing it! I feel bright, free, fabulous, young, full of life, unstoppable! I feel at my best when I get on with the things that I truly want to do. I feel connected, part of a bigger plan and I guess that satisfaction travels through from me towards the others & the rest of the universe around me. Isn’t that brilliant? Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing all the time? Do what I enjoy doing because that brings me joy and my joy transforms into other people’s happiness, becoming highly contagious and spreading away.
I would just like to share this simple thought with you today: if you want something badly enough, please, go and get it! Make a plan and design a strategy to get there. It does not matter what you need to do, or how complicated it might seem at first. If you really want it, if you can feel it from the deepest atom of your heart, then that means that it is meant to be; it means that your natural essence is shouting at you to give you direction. Follow it, please! Do it for yourself and do it for all of us too. If you shine bright, your light will reach us too, leaving the darkness behind.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves: ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”