Back to the roots

Sometimes I go through everyday events that I find difficult to understand and I have to make an effort to accept how others get away with things in that 6 lanes highway that they call the ‘real world’.

Just a very plain but meaningful example: what would you do if, being in a bar, you take by mistake a jacket that doesn’t belong to you? It seems that 99% of people would keep it. Me, puzzled.

I am also amazed when facing rogue, aggressive & rude drivers; when meeting on the stairs neighbours who ignore me and look down like if I was transparent or even invisible; when seeing people who deliberately drop rubbish on the streets, on the beach, on the mountain; those who act only in their own benefit without thinking about the consequences that their actions can have for others; those who ignore their responsibility passing the ball always to someone else; the ones who hear without listening because they are too busy thinking about their own inner dialogue; those who continuously judge because they haven’t realised yet that the map is not the territory; the ones who spend their lives holding criticism and are not able to see their own faults; those who only give because they are expecting something back in return… And quite often all of them do all these from a very deep unconsciousness. Maybe because they were taught that way, because that’s what they learnt, because they always have done it like this or perhaps, as they might say, because ‘everybody’ does the same so that’s the best way, without considering the impact of their actions around them. That’s the real world, they say. That’s life. However, I don’t live in that world and actually, I don’t even want to live in such a world.

If we think that there are different worlds and that whatever we do in our home, neighbourhood, city or country has no effect whatsoever in other places and other people, we are entirely wrong. There is only one world, this one, the one we live in. Some of us have lost the direction of this vessel that we travel in called mankind. We lost the navigation charts, our values. Or maybe we haven’t lost them but we get them completely wrong when we forget about others or about the environment in our life’s equation.

Values are identity, direction, roots, a way to live. They are the foundations above which we build up our life and the engine that keeps us moving.

Love & respect are basic values for a healthy & fertile coexistence. From those two derive many others such as freedom, commitment, enthusiasm, coherence, personal development, helping others, learning, generosity,… Without love & respect daily situations as the ones mentioned above would be triggered. All those and many more: violence, abuse, lying, betrayal, selfishness, anger, envy, illness, suffering, lack of resources, lack of justice, amorality, evilness…

Sometimes, all by myself, being more or less aware of it, I left myself go by apathy or by a surrounding that had nothing to do with my main values. Sometimes I’ve done or said things, I’ve made decisions, I’ve had jobs where I haven’t lived completely according to love & respect. As a result I’ve experienced discomfort, lack of belonging or identity, even guilt. Feelings that could come together with insomnia, nightmares, constipation, indigestion, muscle contraction, infections, allergies, stress, fear. Unhappiness at the end of the day. But the money kept arriving to my account every month without failing and I had my space and my role clearly identified & labelled in that real world out there.  

All the time, deep inside of me, a soft voice kept repeating that there should be another way of being, that life could not be just like that, that living was not about simply getting by.

The magic of the 7 year cycles was doing its job during my 4th one and at my 5th, the trick opened up with a loud crash. It was not fireworks what it came out of it but filed doubts & freezing queries. It all ended up in a leap of faith: jumping into the abyss of leaving the well-known behind & starting something new from scratch, without being certain about the results. I jumped because I had unconditional support around me and also because I started to establish clear limits by listening to what my inner voice was dictating me. Of course I was afraid of the unknown, scared of leaving that comfort zone that I was so used to. But the excitement about moving forward & discovering new possibilities was stronger than me.

I am still doing & undoing, wondering sometimes if I got it right or wrong. I bend & sometimes it seems that I am going to break in two. Then, that crystal-clear voice smiles at me from the depths, showing me that I am flexible and there is nothing to fear. ‘Come on! You know that everything is fine as it is; you know that you are where you meant to be every time. Why are you there? You know that too. Just let yourself be and you will get the answers as they are all within.’ So I smile back because I know that it is completely & absolutely true.

Sometimes it takes me a while or even days to hear it. That’s when I realise that I got lost in the outside set and I know that my voice is on the other side, where the light is. After that realisation I go back to my roots, by myself, in silence, breathing, accepting. And there it is again, I can listen to it, sounding youthful & calm. I go with it, holding hands or I keep it in my arms, together, closely. Nothing is missing. I have it all.

“This place that I am, like sand with rivers,
has known for long the visit from the sky.
A whole procession of birds crosses my face
and I follow it ecstatic,
without feeling the stones that strike me, break me, reject me.

I walk without measuring tiredness or distance.

Ah, but I shall reach the sea and the sky will fly beyond my grasp.”

(Joyful mysteries, by Rosario Castellanos)

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